cain’s coaching experience
cain’s coaching experience
Cain is a Founder and the CEO of Red Badger and he shares his experience of coaching, both from the perspective of his role and also in his personal life.
kaylie’s coaching experience
kaylie’s coaching experience
Kaylie from Red Badger talks about her experience of executive coaching with Pauline, Founder, imagine if...
jon’s coaching experience
jon’s coaching experience
Jon Yardley, Technical Director at Red Badger talks about his experience of coaching with Pauline. Jon shares what he has learned about himself, the challenges and the changes that this has brought to his life, both in business and his personal life.
tash’s coaching experience
tash’s coaching experience
Tash talks about her experience of executive coaching, why she chose Pauline as her Coach and what she learned from that experience. Also, how her life has changed as a result.
helen’s coaching experience
helen’s coaching experience
Helen Fitzgerald, MD of Troy Business Services, talks about her experience of executive coaching - what she learned and how things have changed in her life.
imagine if… there’s no should
imagine if… there’s no should
Should is one of my favourite words. When you hear yourself, or someone else, saying ‘should’, it’s usually a belief that someone else told you that isn’t true and it is always an invitation to get curious. It can also be about fear of something that you don’t want to happen.
Things like, I ‘should’ go to the gym, but I’m too busy. So… question yourself, is it true that I should go to the gym? Do I really enjoy going to the gym or have I always believed that’s the only option for me to get fit? What would I really enjoy doing to look after my body? I’d love to do yoga or kickboxing instead, but there aren’t any classes near me. Is that really true - has it been a while since I looked around or have I ever looked?
When we believe things that are not true, we limit ourselves. Get curious, connect to your innate wisdom and live a life of unlimited possibilities.
And so the curiosity continues until you find the answer that gets to the heart of the ‘should’. It may well be that you’ve never liked going to the gym (and maybe criticised yourself for not going), so when you get curious about the ‘should’ and start to look around, there are lots of other things to experience that are more connected to who you truly are. Or maybe there’s an even deeper truth for you to uncover.
It could also be that the ‘should’ helps to perpetuate the vicious cycle of self criticism and not good enough. When you become aware of that and the thinking that is not true, you start to change the way you experience life.
When we believe things that are not true, we limit ourselves. Get curious, connect to your innate wisdom and live a life of unlimited possibilities. Rather than good or bad, right and wrong, knowing what does and doesn’t work for you, brings change and ease to your experience of life.
If you tell someone else that they ‘should’ be doing something, it can be highlighting a fear or a message for yourself that you don’t want to hear or look at. For example if you tell someone that they ‘should’ be eating more healthily… is that what you are really telling yourself?
Listen today for the ‘should’ (or shouldn’t) in your life and get curious about if it’s really true or what is the message for you, from you.
Pauline Buckley
October 2020
imagine if… you compared no more
imagine if… you compared no more
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
Theodore Roosevelt
We come into this world as a unique human being and for most of us, the comparison with others starts very early on. When my children were babies and I first started going to baby groups, I noticed just how much comparison there was. Often it was to try and feel better about the fact that your baby was keeping you up all night and then someone would say, “oh I’m so lucky mine sleeps right through”!
Your true nature is unique and therefore, cannot be compared to anything or anyone
Notice how much you compare yourself to others, it might be how clever someone is compared to you, how beautiful or ugly someone is compared to you, how good at their job someone is compared to you. Undoubtedly, you will always find someone who is perceived to be better or worse, but what does that really mean? Is it an opportunity to invite your critical voice, or is it an opportunity to feel better about yourself? What’s the point, as none of it is true!
Only the ego is interested in comparison as a form of measurement and trying to secure the self, which is actually impossible and creates suffering and anxiety. Your true nature is unique and therefore, cannot be compared to anything or anyone.
So, the key to this is catching the uneasy thought. Often you don’t even notice, as it can be deeply unconscious and yet now that you’ve read this blog, you will inevitably become aware of your inner critic. When you catch the thought, notice the feelings that go with that thought. Your feelings are a barometer, your guide and the more that you’re aware of these feelings, the closer you get to the truth of who you are. Really question the thought, how does it serve me to think this way, is it really true (often the answer is no)? It may be to keep you stuck in a job, or stuck in a relationship and ultimately stop you from stepping into a fear and bringing it into the light. Just like in the film ‘Gremlins’, when thoughts are brought into the light and seen for what they are, they shrivel up and die.
I used to think that so many things were not possible for me. It was only when I questioned these thoughts, I realised that I was limiting myself and it was nothing to do with the external focus of my thoughts.
Through awareness and questioning of your thoughts, the layers of misunderstanding start to fall away and you become clearer about who you really are and who you are not. Who doesn’t want to live an unlimited life?
Pauline Buckley
October 2020
imagine if… you have more time
imagine if… you have more time
How often do you hear yourself saying, “I would really love to do that, but I just don’t have time”. “I wish I had more time, but I’ve got so much to do.” “They don’t realise how much time this is taking to do.” “There just isn’t enough time in the day”… & yet we all have 24 hours in each day, so where does time go? In my experience of coaching, this is one of the most used reasons for not doing something and it’s always about something else.
My lovely Dad came to stay with me recently and I noticed how many times he said things like, “I’d love to visit Jim, but I don’t have enough time”, or “eee love (we are from Lancashire!) you haven’t got much time have you”, or “we’d better hurry up, there isn’t much time”. Being busy and getting things done in my family was very important and so I believed, there’s never enough time.
So, the next time you notice yourself saying, I haven’t got time, it’s an opportunity to stop, find quiet and stillness and ask yourself, ‘what’s the real question’?
The Dalai Lama said, “we are human beings, not human doings” and yet we often try to do as much as we possibly can in one day. In trying to fit so much in, the quality of the ‘doing’ and our relationships with others, can be affected and more importantly, the pressure we put on ourselves is felt in many different ways. Constantly ‘doing’ can also be a form of numbing and it certainly was one of mine. I would busy myself all day, unaware of the fact that it was a way of not feeling.
So, the next time you notice yourself saying, I haven’t got time, it’s an opportunity to stop, find quiet and stillness and ask yourself, ‘what’s the real question’? It might be; ‘do I want my boss to like me’, ‘do I find it hard to say no & if I did, would they not like me’; ‘do I put pressure on myself to compete or compare with others’; ‘am I wishing that my life was different’; ‘do I believe things about myself that are just not true’? The last question is the most interesting question of all.
If you believe that you are; the responsible one, the intelligent one, the successful one, the underachiever, the stupid one, the controller, the friendly one, the happy one, or the perfect one, none of that is true! How can you be those things all of the time? In questioning areas of your perceived identity that you believe, maybe because you were told often as a child or you took on that identity to feel safe, it is possible to reconnect with your true nature and explore what works for you in life and what doesn’t.
You’ll know when you get the feeling that something is off, or just doesn’t feel right for you and that is an invitation to ask, ‘is this thought really true’? It takes courage to bring the real question into the light and you will get an answer for you and only you. It may not always be well received by others in your life, ast it may mean that you stop trying to rescue or stop trying to get people to like you by doing everything for them. Undoubtedly, it will change the quality of life and through that, you will experience more joy and peace in your life. When we are true to who we are, we are more able to be of service to others and live a life unlimited.
Pauline Buckley
October 2020
imagine if… you see beauty everywhere
imagine if… you see beauty everywhere
Beauty is simple and nature never gets in wrong
I see beauty everywhere in nature, art, music, people, animals and things. Beauty is simple and nature never gets in wrong. I love the beauty of changing seasons and the colours that come and go. I hear beauty in words that are spoken from the heart. I see beauty in things that are created with love and connection to a person’s true nature. I hear it in listening to someone tell their story and open their heart – beauty is vulnerable.
I know that all people are beautiful and find it fascinating that when a person truly knows who they are, pure love, beauty emanates from them – they have an inner glow that’s like a magnet. I have known people who are obviously beautiful and yet when they are locked in an identity of low self-esteem and negative thinking, which is reflected in their behaviour, it changes the way they look and the confusion and lack of self-love is evident.
I can finally look at myself and really see my beauty. I have always been self-critical, wanting perfection (whatever that is!) and seeing the things that I don’t like so clearly. My thighs are too big, my hair too fine, never quite toned enough, teeth not straight/white enough – you get the picture. Now I know that I am not my body, I am so grateful for this beautiful vessel that carries me through life. I still catch myself sometimes noticing the wrinkles and wondering if only I’d looked after myself more, would I have them? As soon as I catch the narrative, it dissolves and another layer of misunderstanding about who I am falls away.
It’s wonderful to see that beauty at every age is being embraced and why not.
Beauty feels gorgeous, it can take your breath away. Every day I see the ocean and it’s ever changing colours. I stand at the window and say ‘wow’ to myself most days. Seeing the sun set on the mud, turning it into the most delicious inky indigo, makes my day. Beauty is full of grace and elegance and I see more and more of it around me.
It’s wonderful to see that beauty at every age is being embraced and why not. You can see the wisdom in a person’s face, you can see what kind of life they have lead. In presence, when you really look at someone and truly listen to them, a beautiful dance of connection happens between you.
More people are becoming aware of their masculine and feminine energy and this helps to connect to their inner beauty and true nature. For men, it is much more acceptable now to care for yourself and your skin. I see beauty in strong masculinity, power and vulnerability, someone who knows who they are and not afraid to show how they feel.
We often focus on the outside world and it has been considered vain to consider our appearance too much. There can be high expectations and preconceived ideas about what beauty really is and that is even more challenging today with photoshopped images and a consistently unachievable ideal of ‘perfection’. This gets in the way of seeing the beauty that we truly are.
I would like to help young people to know that ‘outside in’ beauty does not serve them. To be aware of what they think is beautiful, the importance of self-love, their innate wisdom and how that will support them in life. Be the unique expression of love that you are.
Rituals are an important part of a person’s day – it’s a time to practice self-love and presence. It’s a time for stillness and conscious awareness, hearing what comes up, what’s important. At the start of the day, it’s a time to awaken, think about the day ahead and have clarity. In the evening, it’s a wonderful way to wind down and prepare for sleep, reflect on what you’ve learned in the day and be grateful for your experience of life.
The best way to keep in touch with our own beauty is to look deeply into your soul and open your eyes to the beautiful being you see in the mirror every day.
Pauline Buckley
October 2020